


On the cliff

by tenebi



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Camping, Caravan Palace, Don't end up together, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nature, Post-Depression, References to Depression, Slow Romance, Swimming, Tears, big drama, romance without conclusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenebi/pseuds/tenebi
Summary: you need a vacation, the boys need a vacation, so you decide to take them to your secret spot where you use to go to heal your heart. You relax with them,  it's calm ( as much as possible with those ones) but even with all this some past injuries are re-open. Maybe a bit of love will help.(worse summary ever) a fic reader x Raphael*(A/N)    this fic could fit any adaptation but I use a detail from the most recent movie *I don't own ANYTHING.( except the story )





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first TMNT fic, hope you like it. The English is not my first language. I am sorry if there are any mistakes, I try my best.  
> Hope you like it   
> also, lucky first language isn't English but I give you the choice of the language, and every time she is talking to herself, it's in that language even if it's not written and if there is a conversation in that language it will be written..  
> Good reading

After a long and stressful day of work, you decided to go see some friends. Instead of taking the usual route to your apartment, you decided to take the next alley to go in the sewers. You knew the way, it’s been almost 2 years since you first enter this underground road. You walk for about 5 minutes when you arrived at the base of the turtles. Something was wrong, the place was silent.

  
\- GUYS… hello …? you called, worried.

  
At that time of the day, the guys were usually low and tired of waiting for the sun so got down. But today nothing.

  
-(y/n)? You heard a small voice,  
-Mikey!  
You looked behind you and see Michelangelo Sitting against the wall he seemed injured a bit.  
\- Why-, you were cut  
\- I think you should just go see sensei, we aren’t supposed to talk, said Leonardo, who was at the other side of the room also sitting against the wall, strangely him two were injured.

  
You realize that all the forth* brother were placed like the four cardinal points in the principal room, you spotted Donatello in a corner injured of course. You ahead to the dojo where you usually found splinter. As you walked saw that Raphael was just next to the dojo’s door, without any surprise he was injured two. When you passed near him, he looked at you, with a mix of frustration and guilt and smiled a little. This expression augured no good, you smiled softly and waved faintly at him. He looked surprised, but keep looking at you as you enter the dojo.

  
\- why did he keep looking at me like that, God, you tell to yourself as you closed the door, all pink?  
-(y/n), how are you my child, asked splinter as you sit on the knees in front of him awkwardly  
\- Well… Good, you lie, hoping that he won't notice  
\- lying is bad, do you wish to talk about, he answered  
You froze, you looked like a kid caught sneaking cookies  
\- hum … No, you paused, it’s not something … that I wish to share, you said looking away.  
\- It is okay, (y/n), I know why you are here, but this is not the place where we should talk.

  
You were confused and worried as splinter take you to the top of a building which seems to be pretty close to yours. You were standing next to him.

  
\- Sooo, do I break the ice? You ask, trying to warm the mood  
\- If you want to.  
\- Okay, what happens? Why are the boys like that?  
-the boys had a fight, sadly a very bad fight, they were submerged by frustration. I thought that by making them train, it would help. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a mistake. My sons turned against each other…, told splinter  
\- And they all ended up beating each other, I guess, you continue  
\- Exactly, for now, they are grounded but I don’t know what to do anymore, those children are when different from me when I was younger, continue the old man  
\- Well you know, they are under a lot of pressure and them still young, you started  
\- What do you propose?  
\- Well maybe they need a vacation, you proposed  
\- (y/n), I agreed my sons need time to take some weight out of their shoulder. But where?  
\- Hum… you heisted, so I kind of own a bit of a land where there is no soul to be found.  
\- Really?  
\- … not really, actually my family owns it but no one goes there and for everyone, it's my place, it's silent, it's relaxing .., you continue nervously.

  
Splinter took the time to thought about it but ended up accepting your proposition. You talked about safety measure and all the little details. After about half an hour, you left the rooftop, direction your bed because you were tired and you needed to prepare for the vacation.

  
The next morning, the tension between the turtles has disappeared. Splinter told them that they were leaving for a special training with you. The boys were all very surprising, what could they learn from you? But they were all okay with it, especially Mikey who couldn’t stand in place.

  
Everything was ready to go, only the darkness of the night was missing. As the sun goes down, Raphael was watching you packing a van from the building next to yours. You looked really focus on your duties and that look you had, for him, made you look so beautiful. Raph caught himself blushing a bit.  
\- come on Raph stop dreaming there is no way this girl could ever consider you more than a strange friend, sigh Raphael.

  
You finish to pack that van and you went back in, leaving a note on the car. Raphael curious left the rooftop, to go see what was in the car. As he takes the note, his eyes widen as he read. On the note was written ˝see you later, RED Ranger ˮ. Raph was shocked, a bit embarrassed and amuse. RED Ranger was his nicknames that you gave him when you first met. The turtle smirk took the note and left in the shadow.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I am using something from the movie of 2016, I know that this movie isn't popular and all but you still read it as any adaptation of the series.  
> the Reader first language isn't English, so when the reader is speaking in her first language which is of your choice, her dialogue will be like that : *traduction/description of what the reader is saying *, the reader said  
> ex you cut yourself while cooking  
> \- * you idiot*, you said  
> English is not my first language but I try my best.

It was finally pitch dark, you were waiting for lining on the van, looking at your watch nervously. You looked like someone about to do a drug transaction, this thought made you giggle a bit. You were looking forward to this trip, and even if inside of you, you couldn’t wait to see him. It was exactly what you feared, you fail in love with him, him and his rare but honest smile when he sees you, your checks began to heat up, you shook your head trying to get rid of those thoughts.  
\- You idiot, you whisper to yourself, looking at the floor.  
But the same moment, you felt a breath near your face, you flinch, step backward but you lost your balance, stumble and ended up on your butt. You looked up to see Mickey confuse.  
\- But… But, I haven’t done anything yet, Mickey said disappointed  
\- Not my fault if you aren’t subtle enough, you respond while getting up  
\- Mickey subtle impossible said Donnie walking out of the shadow with the others  
\- Maybe she got fortune-telling power by hanging out with us with all this mutation thing, proposed Mickey  
\- Yeah, I AM WITCH! you said moving your hand as if you were about to cast a spell.  
The gang laughs, as you laugh you catch Raphael’s eyes. You smile at him with an amused look, which made him blush a bit. You walked toward the car trunk and took out a big storage case.  
\- So before we leave, I want ALL the weapons, in this case, you said seriously  
The fourth brother looked at you with a face asking why.  
\- *sigh* because if any of you get in a fight and I have to interfere I can survive an internal hemorrhaging longer than if I get stab in the chest by a katana or a say, you explain  
At the mention of the name of his weapon, Raphael flinches, the tough of him actually hurting you made him feel bad.  
\- And it wouldn't be far if only two of you got their weapons so EVERY weapon in this case.  
\- You are right, here, said Raphael as he gives you all his arsenals under the shocked look of his brother who follows.  
After all this, you finally get in the van and left. Surprisingly the boys were pretty silent as you drive, splinter must have told them about the fact that you needed all your concentration while you were driving. It was almost 2 am when you decided to stop at a desert rest area, you didn’t feel good, you were really tired and it wasn’t safe anymore for you to drive but you couldn’t let the turtle drive. You decided to go walk a bit. As you were in your head Raph came to you asking if you were okay. After a couple of minutes, you accepted to rest in the passenger seat as Donnie will drive. About an hour after, you felt a sleep the boy begins to talk and mess around which woke you up but you kept your eyes closed. Mickey decided to make some pun, as the tension was accumulating.  
\- I, THE MEDIUM, predict a shut up Mickey soon, you said opening your eyes  
-I wrote a novel about religious women. The library put it in the nun fiction section. Mickey continue  
\- SHUT UP MICKEY! the others shouted  
\- My prediction was true, you exclaim lifting your hand in the air  
After all this, you took the wheel back. It was the morning when you arrived at your destination.  
\- All right guys, first of all, we are seating the camp, you said getting out of the van  
\- (y/n) can we ask you why are we here? Asked Donnie  
\- Well, my dear, YOU GUYS ARE HERE TO LEARN HOW TO RELAX, you answered looking around with star in your eyes  
They looked at you with concern eyes, you walked to the end of the van and open the car trunk. As you took out a big bag, an idea came to your mind.  
\- So, guys, do any of you knows how to pitch a tent? You ask throwing the back to Donnie  
\- No … but I am sure that we won't have any problem, said Leo answered as if he was insulted  
\- But why aren’t you helping us? asked Mickey, where are you going to sleep?  
\- Well I am sleeping in my own tent, you respond as take out the tent and the shaft

Time Skip  
The camp was all done, the boy had done a pretty good job with their tent, of course, they fought a bit, mostly Raph and Leo, and they asked for your help a bit but in end, you were kind of proud of them.  
Now it was time to show them the big part of your secret place. You took the boy through a trail who took you to a cliff overlooking a small bay.  
\- Welcome to my paradise, you said opening your arms to present the lake  
Turn back as the boys were looking at the view, you took out your shoes, Raphael turned and flinch when he saw that you were taking your pants off. You catch him looking at you and gave him s smug which made him kind of nervous. You took out your shirt, you were wearing a black one-piece swimsuit, now the fourth brother was looking at you in concern. You walked a bit further.  
\- HEY MICKEY WANT TO TRY THIS! you shout as you start running like hell toward the cliff and you jump letting out a scream of fun.  
You feel the water breaking under your weight letting you sink. You felt your body being lifted you begin to swing back on the surface. You broke the surface take a deep breath and open your eyes. The turtles were frozen. Even after two years, they still surprised each time you did sometimes reckless. It made you laugh  
\- come on guys, don’t worry its deep enough, you call swimming away  
Then you saw Mickey leaving the edge of the cliff, so you decided to swim way further. It didn’t take much time for Mickey to jump screaming one of his punchlines. He took just enough time to come up to make you stress a bit.  
\- That such a cool move, (y/n) you should have seen Raph’s face, he was so scared, Mickey said laughing  
\- Scared? Of what? , you ask as you watch Donnie jump  
\- Well you know Raph is afraid of heights, he wished as you watched Leo jump  
\- no, I didn’t, how is he afraid of height he is a ninja who jumps from roof top to roof top, you said confuse  
\- To be honest, I don’t know, he answered, HEY RAPH IT'S YOUR TURN!!!  
Raph was on the edge of the cliff, he looks so anxious  
\- HEY RAPH, YOU OK? You ask  
He looked at you, you couldn't see his eye but you were sure he was scared.  
\- YEAH I AM GOOD, JUST GONNA …., Raphael respond  
\- WAIT, RAPH, I’AM COMING, you said swimming to the beach kind of part the lake  
Mickey begins to laugh  
\- Coming, hahaha haha haha  
You made a mad eye contact with Leo and Donnie and face palm  
\- Oh my god, shut up Mickey, you said turning your head toward the beach to hide you awkwardness<  
You reach the land in a matter of no time, impressing the brothers. You have your lifeguard license so it was not surprising to you. You walked to the cliff but as you walked to the cliff you slip on the rocks and you scrape your knee  
\- *CURSE WORD *(A/N, if you are lost, go to the notes)  
\- (y/n) are you ok, Donnie ask  
\- Yeah, I am ok, you said as you look at your knee who began to bleed, * complain about how dumb you are*  
You arrive on the top of the cliff, you meet your red ranger. He looked really uncomfortable.  
\- Hey you don’t look okay, you step forward him  
\- I guess I can't hide anything from you, can I, he said with a faint smile  
You decided to sit next to a three, inviting Raphael to see down next to you  
-so tell me, you ask  
\- Well you know, I am afraid of height… he began hesitating to continue, not daring to look at you, it’s the not the height the problem is when I don’t see where I am going to lend.  
\- I see you said look at the horizon  
-eh, lucky, you are bleeding, he said pointing the trail of blood coming out of your knee  
\- Oh it’s nothing, you answered wiping the blood with your finger and put it in your mouth  
\- How can you do that, he asks looking at you  
\- What? You asked  
\- How can you don’t care this much, you are always so relax-, he was cut  
\- Me! Always relax, don’t make me laugh, you said with a sad look  
\- What do you mean? He began but when he saw your face darken, hey lucky are you okay  
\- Yeah huh*sigh* I am this relax because caring too much, thinking too much, always expecting better from you,  
\- Lucky…?  
\- Always force you to be better  
-lucky!  
\- you are never enough, and it was destroying me from the inside, and, you suddenly change the tone as you get up, but it's not the case anymore and I am not letting myself down and I won't let you down …  
\- Uh (y/n) are you okay? He asked  
\- Yeah oh, by the way, it’s been a while since you called me lucky, you said trying to change the subject  
\- guess you’re right…, he said  
Raphael didn’t know a lot about your past but he quickly realizes he shouldn’t push it.  
\- So you said you were scared only when you couldn't see the ground, right? You ask  
\- Kind of…  
\- Well here, you respond as you draw a map of the lake floor  
You explain and describe the spot where you land in detail to make Raphael comfortable.  
\- So want to try? You ask  
\- ok…, he responds  
\- do you want me to jump with you?  
\- In fact, yeah, I’d like, he said rubbing the back of his neck  
You smile and extend your arm waiting for his hand. He looked at you, when you were in this mood you were so beautiful it was in those moments he knew why he loved you. He grabs your hand and got up.  
\- Please don’t chock because it will get dangerous for me I won't be far enough from the cliff, you said  
\- ok...  
\- READY, SET, GO, you shout you both start running and jump  
You felt the wind on your skin as you looked in his eyes, holding his. You felt like doing it… as you enter the water without a sound your lips formed the words ``I like you''. You appeared on the surface and the first that happen was Raph asking what you said and regretting your action you deny having said anything and quickly jump to the fact that you made him jump.  
It wasn’t the time not now you weren’t ready for pain .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of the second chapter of this fic.  
> I hope you like it  
> if you have any opinion Please share it in the com section.  
> thank you for reading


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so here is the end of this fic.  
> most of this chapter pretty much drama.  
> if you are sensitive to a subject like self-harm, anxiety, etc..  
> stay away  
> I really tried my best for this chapter  
> I hope you like it  
> have fun  
> LET THE DRAMA BEGIN !!!!!!!  
> Ps: IT'S FICTION PLS DONT DO THIS AT HOME  
> also, lucky first language isn't English but I give you the choice of the language, and every time she is talking to herself, it's in that language even if it's not written and if there is a conversation in that language it will be written.

You spend the rest of the day swimming and having fun with your friends. Everything was going well the boys were really forgetting about all their stress, well except Leo, who you had to constantly check on, to make sure that he wasn’t doing anything related to training. But even with all this fun, you could help but feel this pain in your chest since you talk with Raphael. As if an old wound had reopened and you felt like he knew it because each time you looked at you, he had this weird look.  
The sun was going to bed, you decided to install a big construction lamp at the bottom of the cliff for security measure, during night time. the task complete you walked out of the water, and you tied up a towel around your waist you didn’t like to show too much skin when it wasn’t needed. You switched you swim suit for some sweatpants and a hoodie. It was around 5 pm so you decided to start the preparation of the supper.  
Time Skip  
You were working on the campfire, trying to keep it alive. After spending a couple of minutes this close to the fire, you felt like you were cooking in your own hoodie, so you took it off. You wore a black tank top with medium strap. The fire stabilized, you step away from fire and sat down leaning on a three trunk behind you. You look at the boys, they seemed to be talking, but because of your sleep-deprivation you started to blackout a bit you couldn't really understand their conversation, the atmosphere was calm. Even with that bitter feeling, you proud you actually made the turtle forgot about their stress .yeah it was nice. You were taken out of those thought by a voice.  
\- (y/n) can I ask you a question? Asked Leo  
\- Yeah …, you answered trying to wake up, a bit curious  
\- is this the scar from the gun shot? He ask not sure how to ask, pointing your shoulder  
\- oh yeah, I get scars pretty easily, like those that I got from my brothers, you chuckle showing the gun shot scar on your shoulder and a couple of cut scars on your arms.  
The turtle didn’t know a lot about your family, they just knew that you didn't see them often, but your relationship wasn’t horrible. But it was a touchy subject, so they tried not to bring it up.  
\- do you have any good scar story, ask Mickey  
\- I have lots of stories but they aren’t all good, you respond closing your eyes subtly passing your hand on your hip, but yeah I could.

You and The turtle spend the rest of the night telling stories about your scars, joking and having fun. But under your fake smile, was a worried little you fearing something and wasn’t even the worse. You accidentally made a direct eye contact with Raphael and you felt like he sees right through your mask, you were sure he knew something was off and it scared you. You didn’t want him to know, it was your fight, and you couldn’t let anyone in it.  
Time skip  
It was bed time now, you made sure that the fire was dying and you walked to the tent. Took your toothbrush and toothpaste. You walked to the lake, almost stumbling a couple of time. You were pretty happy that you installed that lamp it was giving just enough light To stay alive while walking down to the lake. You brush your teeth and walked back. You saw Leo entering the tent. He turns around and looks at you, you seemed so tired.  
\- are you guys all there? You ask  
\- Yeah, he answered as you saw tree heads getting out of the tent  
\- ok so good night guys, please don’t go fooling around and do something regrettable, okay, you said trying to smile.  
They nodded, and mickey screamed good night before getting a hit on the head by Raphael, you chuckle as you walk to your tent. Your message was useless, they were ninja living at night but at least you tried.  
(A/N I am switching the spot light)  
In the turtle tent, the boy was playing cards, as Mickey was looking around.  
\- Raph, where are the chips? Ask Mikey making a mess trying to found the snack  
\- I don’t know Mikey, he respond looking at his cards  
\- You were the one who was supposed to take them, Donni added  
\- Oh I forgot, they are outside, he responds not moving  
\- Then go get them, before a wild beast eats them!!!!! Said mickey panicking and screaming around before getting hit by an annoyed Raphael.  
\- Fine, I’ll go get them, he said not very happy  
He got out of the tent and walked to the fire set searching for the chip bag. As he wasn't really searching, he took a look at your tent and froze. There was a big spot light in your tent and he could see your shadow on the fabric of the tent and it was a very define silhouette from the side. You just took off your tank top and you were about to take off your bra. He could see your curves, the fine line of your face. Raphael quickly looked away, a bit embarrassed and feeling a bit guilty. He found the bag, grab it and quickly got back in the tent.  
\- See was it, that horrible? Asked Leo choosing his next move  
\- *chuckle*, yeah it wasn’t that bad, he responds sitting down  
Time Skip  
(A/N back to reader)  
You were whining and turning in your sleep. There was nothing around you only the void, you looked around, scared, you couldn’t breathe well, you turned to see behind you there was nothing but you were feeling something was watching you. When you turned a back a mirror had appeared. It was as big as a door with a silver frame with engravings. You could see yourself how damaged you were, you were so damaged. You could see everything, you broken heart, the scars on your hip. A little voice whispered at you hear.  
\- Why don’t you try again?  
\- I mean it’s not like it ever gonna work  
\- remember him, the one you loved and destroyed you  
\- You really want to live that again  
\- go one just put it to an end  
\- go on  
Tears were running down your cheeks  
\- NO I DON’T WANT TO I WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE EVEN IF IT’s WITHOUT LOVE!!! You screamed at the voice looking around  
\- Hahaha well, we will see that… will you be strong enough for this?  
\- For what? You asked scared  
\- THIS!!!  
You looked the mirror, it was you but changed, your hand was bloody and you had a knife in your right hand. Then you reflection smiled at you, a horrible mad smile, her eyes were full of hatred. She took a step forward you back up. Your doppelgänger stepped out of the mirror. She was staring at you, then she tackles you on the ground. You couldn't move. She lifting the knife in the air, laughing. Then the knife was about to touch your eye.  
When you woke up, sweating and panting, tears falling down your cheeks. You sit in your sleeping bag, you needed fresh air. You got out of your tent and you walked to the woods.  
(A/N back to Raphael)  
Raphael was peacefully sleeping when he woke, something was off, and he just felt it. He got out of the tent and went to see if you were ok. At his surprise the tent was empty, this discovery made him a bit anxious. You looked around for you, nothing. Then a horrible idea came to his mind, he shook his head, no you couldn’t, but the idea was stuck in his mind. Raphael worried ran in the direction of the cliff.  
(A/N back to the reader)  
(A/N here a song for the atmosphere https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imCd-m32oAs)  
You were standing on the edge of the cliff, looking at the night sky, the eye full of despair, a pain in your chest. This Idée noir wouldn’t go away, maybe, maybe …. You looked down, with the lamp you could see the rocks, pointy and ready to pierce your heart. His face flashed into your mind, your heart begins to beat faster, and your breath was short. You could only see the end of the cliff this was the end. You felt something in your back. You quickly turn around but you slip and you were about to fall but A hand catches you by the waist. You staring into Raphael's eyes, he seemed so scared. Your hand on the arm who was holding you. You didn’t know why but liked being lost in his eyes but it had to end, you were way too much comfortable. You got you balance back and walked past Raphael, without any word. He grabs your arm, forcing you to face him.  
\- Lucky, what were you doing? He begins  
\- … I-I was just taking a bit of fresh air, you lied  
\- * chuckle* ok let’s not play this game ok, he said rubbing his forehead, you are lying we both know that… listen I am bad those feeling talk but you were doing there, it really scared me  
You were surprised, you didn’t expect him to drop the subject like that.  
\- Well… hum … you know … I- I don’t want to talk about it, you said looking away taking your arm out of his grip  
\- ok like I said I am the worst for that thing but you shouldn’t keep that secret for yourself, and …, he continues looking away, you should talk to someone you trust, don’t you trust me enough…  
You paused you looked at him  
\- Of course, I trust you ….just, you said looking away  
\- Then what! He respond frustrated, he was feeling so useless  
\- I-I…. I don’t want you to see that rotten part of me! you respond almost angry  
\- you did hate me when I went nuts that night why would I hate you for your negative feelings, he argues, and I know I am not your best friend in the entire universe and all...  
It was right, he wasn’t your best friend but right now the person the closest to this title was him. You were close, you trusted him, and he trusted you. You had his back when it was needed, he had your back when it was needed. You were good friends even if for you, he was more than a friend.  
\- Okay if you insist, you sigh  
Raphael chuckles with a little smirk on his face as he crosses his arm. He settled down on the edge of the cliff. You walked toward him, turn around, sitting down and lined on his shell.  
\- I’ll ask the question of .., he ask  
-Ok, you respond  
\- were you about to do it?  
\- …no…. I was.  
\- You were thinking about it, right?  
\- …yeah, you said not proud  
\- I see he said  
Raphael took his head in his hand, you could feel him leaning forward. It worried you, you scared him.  
\- I am sorry, you said trying to found something to say.  
\- don’t be, since when? He asked with a weird voice  
\- This down or the whole thing?  
\-- How did it start? He asked, his voice had toned down  
\- Ooooh shit, you are sure that you are ready for that, it big thing… well not really never mind …, you tried to cover up  
\- Lucky, please...  
\- High school. Nothing big just,*sigh*, you couldn't calm down you were shaking, when I was in middle school I was a pretty good student, I had very good grades. I was always above the average of my class and I got this idea that this was the standard for me. So in high school, my parent and I decided to make me attempt the enriched class of my school… I hit a wall, I wasn’t above the average, and I was either in it or often under it. I had this standard and I wasn’t able to reach it. I wasn’t failing but I NEEDED to get back on the top. At first, it was an objective but it turned into an obsession. Nothing matter more than this. But it was never enough, even with all my work it wasn’t enough. Like a virus, this obsession sprayed into the other sphere of my life. My body, my mind, my lifestyle weren’t good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't in shape enough, I wasn't strong enough, my life style wasn’t beautiful enough. I had to be smarted, I, I had to be in better shape, I had to be stronger, I had to be prettier, I had to be healthier, always better. This continued to a point where the fact to being myself wasn’t enough. All this pressure was unbearable, it was at the moment that death begins to be an option at first I wasn’t really looking at it but it got bigger and bigger and bigger. You just could ignore it. I almost did it almost but all alone I took myself out of this mess. I still get those ups and down but in general, it’s ok …. But now it’s …  
\- Different …, Raphael proposed, listening  
His voice was angry, he took his head out of his head, and punched the ground, mumbling something. He turns back and looked at you. You were no longer leaning on his shell you were just curled in a ball, you were shaking like crazy adrenaline running in your body. Talking about your problems made you were weak and you hated that. He was looking at you, even you weren’t facing him you knew it. You felt his arms wrapping around you and push you again this plastron. You closed your eyes. He hated to see you like that, you were hurt. You were so precious to him. He was so useless in those situations and seeing you like that hurtled him.  
-can I ask you a question? He asked with a choking voice  
\- It depends…, you said hesitating. Try to calm down, you felt naked. You were invulnerable and you weren’t sure if being like that around him was good.  
\- Why did you hold your hips, when you talk about scars? He asks trying to have a calm voice. You could tell that his voice was breaking under the act.  
At the mention of the words scar you flinch and froze, your eyes were wide open. Raphael wasn't sure what to do, you looked so weak and fragile. He wanted to protect you more than anything. But he couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. He holds you tighter and place his forehead on your shoulder.¸  
\- Why? Because they are scars there, you manage to say with a bit of sarcasm as your voice was breaking and your eyes were filled with tears. You were scared, what would he think, they were ugly, and they were disgusting.  
\- ..w-what kind of scars? He tried to ask as his voice was now clearly breaking  
You knew, he knew. You were getting tired of hiding, you didn’t care anymore. The damage was already done so why not go all the way. You just dint care anymore.You got out of the embrace, his forehead on your shoulder. Still back to him, you took down a bit of you pajama pants then took his hand and place it on you bare hips. The feeling of giving you chills as a tears fell from your eyes. You knew it after that nothing would be the same between you two.  
He could feel it, each cut, each mark, each scar, how they were swelling and how the skin has tried to repair itself after the harm. It was heart breaking. Raphael took his shaking hand off your skin, wrapping you with his arm hiding his head in your neck. He let down a whimper, before trying to speak.  
\- ..*sigh* I beg you if you ever think about doing this again, come get me, I-I don’t want you to hurt yourself like that again , promise me, he whispered as he started to whimper  
You lined your head on his head, letting old tears out.  
\- Ok, I will promise.  
You turned back and wrap your arm around his neck, leaning your head on his shoulder, you were pretty much sitting on his lap and he was holding you close to him.  
\- Raphael? You whispered with a breaking voice  
\- Yeah, he answered  
\- Thank you… for not running away…for...for...for not hating me, you continued your voice breaking a bit more each word  
\- No problem, (y/n), he answered squeezing you a bit more  
\- c-can w-we st-ay like that jus-just a bit more, you added breaking down in tears hiding in his neck as he put his head on your head.  
\- No worries lucky …  
\- I-I am s-sorry... I am sorry I am sorry, you manage to say between your tears and short breaths.  
\- It’s okay, lucky I am here, I am here, he whispered as you felt some tears on your neck.  
Time skip  
Crying made you feel better, you felt lighter and pretty dizzy. You got up and hold your hand to help Raphael a bit. You walked to your tent, but turn back and out of nowhere, you hug him one last time before disappearing in your tent.  
Raphael was just there standing there in the middle of the camp, wondering if what just happened was real. You and he just had a huge bonding moment. Which made him fall way more in love with you. He walked to his tent and entered the tent to meet with Leonardo half-awake wondering where he went.  
\- is everything alright? He asked  
\- Yeah everything is fine now, Raphael respond  
He lay down and closed his eyes, a smile on his face, a part of him was happy that it happens.  
Next morning, you woke up remembering every detail of this night  
You were screaming in your pillow, your face was blood red. You really were in love but no you could let yourself into this. You turned around with a big smile, even with all this you were happy that you trusted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the end of this fic a big thank you to you dear reader for reading this fic.  
> I hope you liked it  
> if you have any criticisms pls go ahead in the  
> Com sections  
> thank you

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the first part.  
> if you have any critics, go ahead please leave a com.  
> thank you for reading  
> Tenebi


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